Home Again by Stone Sour

I am going to blatantly admit that this was not my random thought, but it stirred up a lot of them inside my mind as I tried to fall asleep.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation: (for those of you who did not read my last post, I remarked on how my last christmas was rather awful) Watching this movie last night was a severe eye opener. As we laughed and enjoyed the movie I watched Clark Griswald lose his last nut as it were when the squirrel and dog reeked havoc on his home. When the remark came out from beside me I found myself lost in what was, "That was last year here."

I dove back into my memories, more so than I had initially done, and that movie in a sense represented my last two christmases. (Without the humor.) Except last year instead of there being a squirrel in the tree and destroying the entire house, (I will allow all of you to know that no children were present and this was not on christmas eve.) I will admit, I was the squirrel and the dog. I will not take all the blame for my anger, but I did wreck christmas in my own home to prove a point to someone that I loved very dearly. 

I might have destroyed every ounce of christmas last year, just to prove a point, but it was unclear to the world how much I had tried to save it before the apocalypse visited my home. Christmas is a very stressful time of the year, but last year I had my fill of the last few years deciding that enough was enough. Last christmas was not the beginning to an end, that had started several years prior, it was the last straw that had been yanked.

The cataclysm that started on christmas day lasted several more months. Now that I look back upon it, I am glad that it happened. I am glad that my world nearly ended (I say that metaphorically). Just as I appropriately titled my last post Better, Stronger, More we are all those things now because of it. I look back and I saw the struggles that we had made to stand where we are today, and I don't think we could be any closer. We have both suffered so much, but in the end we know that there is nothing that can break us now. 

Through the carnage that had tore us apart, the aftermath was fairly peaceful, but when was everything had finally opened up into a whole new world. It was brilliant and brand new, not only for us, but the entire family. Through no fault of anyone, except himself my children lost their father completely. (he didn't die, in case anyone was worried. Although he might as well have.) Through the wakening of the new world inside my home they had received someone who was willing to take his place and stand up to be the man that this family had needed for so long.

So in closing this I just want to remark on something. 

We have had far more downs than we have had ups, although from now on I see us both going nowhere else but up together. I have told him more times than I can count that he is one of the best men that I had ever known. It didn't matter how rotten he treated the world, I knew that it was a front. I saw something in him, that perhaps he didn't even see in himself at the time. It was there clear as day, that I knew the man that he was, or was meant to be. It was there inside of himself and he didn't even know it. Now I know that he sees what I saw within him so long ago. I can see the pride that he takes in everything he does now.

I used to take him, plant his feet in front of the mirror and make him look at the wonder that he was before. I think now that perhaps now he may look in that mirror sometimes and just marvel at what he has become. I love him with all that I am and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

I love you Babe!